Monday, October 22, 2012

Kealan Patrick Burke visits the Wastelands

Kealan Patrick Burke author of Turtle Boy, Kin, and more is visiting the Wastelands today to help out with shell of a problem.

Darkfallen: Greta!! I told you not to feed that damn turtle!

Greta: But he’s my baby!!


Darkfallen: You’re baby, my ass!! I’m about to call an expert.


*Greta pets the giant turtle that is soaking in the Wastelands swimming pool while sucking on the last author’s leg.


*clicking her cell phone shut


Darkfallen: He’ll be here in a minute.


Greta: Who?


Kealan: This is not my beautiful house.


Greta: No no no!! You did not call him!


Darkfallen: Thank Zombie Bob that you’re here!! We have a problem.


Greta: No we don’t!! Little Dude is part of the family now! I can’t help it that he got into some non-organic veggies and started craving human flesh. He doesn’t know any better.


Darkfallen: Do you think you can help, Kealan?


Kealan: How about electrical-taping him to a chair and forcing him to watch reruns of Jersey Shore? That would kill anybody’s appetite.


Darkfallen: Yeah, we tried that but the dang turtle kept escaping from the chair.


Kealan: Industrial strength glue, and brainwashing him into believing that there are no people in the outside world, only starving bald eagles and ravenous coyotes.


Darkfallen: Well, that’s an idea. Do you have any of those with you?


Kealan: No, but you could convince him that dining on people is like admitting he’s racist.


Darkfallen: Do you know how to do that?


Kealan: No, not really. Have you tried draining the pool?


Darkfallen: Oh yeah!


*One hour later and one man-eating turtle stuck at the bottom of an empty pool, Greta hangs her feet over while Little Dude strains to jump and sink his beak into her flesh.


Greta: This sucks!! Little Dude is not pleased in this!!


Darkfallen: It’s better than the other alternative.


Greta: Which was?


Kealan and Darkfallen: Turtle soup!!


Greta: You guys suck!


Darkfallen: Thanks for visiting the Wastelands Kealan! You totally saved us from having a destructive man-eating turtle on our hands.


Kealan Patrick Burke is offering 5 Wastelanders a chance to win an e-copy of his latest thriller, "Kin". Enter into the world of backwoods cannibals and see if you can make it out alive!





8 comments:

  1. LOL That turtle won't get away now.Great book cover. Sounds like a very good story that you can't put down. Thank you for the giveaway.
    Sue B

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  2. Thank you so much for another fantastic book giveaway, that i really would love to have the oportunity of reading! Kealan Patrick Burke's novel Kin sounds facinating and a truly interesting read. x

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  3. Hi,
    Great giveaway. I love horror books and movies. Something really cool about being so scared your heart is racing and you are afraid to turn off the light and go to sleep.
    Jenn

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  4. Scarey scarey? I hope so!

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  5. I LOVE cannibals! Especially the backwoods kind; they're juicier for some reason. I prefer 'em medium rare, myself, how about you? Anyway, I left a comment. I just hope my mother doesn't see this, or she's liable to figure out why all my cousins disappeared. Guess I can say I was just joking... yeah, that's what I'll do. Hey, everybody... I was just joking! (we'll see if that works.)

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  6. Poor turtle! You should refill the pool, it's not his fault!

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