Zombie Whisperer/How to Train a Zombie

Paranormal Wastelands is proud to welcome Annie Walls author of The Famished Trilogy.

*Darkfallen and Greta open the mansion door to stop the pounding coming from the other side.*

DF: What do you want?

Greta: We don’t want any.

Annie: I was taking a stroll around the neighborhood when I noticed a retched smell coming from your mansion. *Annie wrinkles nose as a bang and groan sounds from the zombie hidden in the mansion basement.* What’s that noise?

DF: Never mind that. What’s that? In your hand? *DF points to Annie’s hand.*

Annie: Well, I have a zombie. You see? *Annie pulls the chain in her hand, and a compliant zombie stumbles into the mansion foyer.*

*Greta and DF gasp*

Greta whispers to DF: You called the zombie whisperer!

*DF elbows Greta to be quiet.*

DF: How do you get him to do that? *DF gestures to the zombie, who is standing still, watching them eerily.*

*Annie appraises Greta and DF with raised eyebrows, and smiles.*

Annie: Well, I feed him!

Greta: You feed him? What?

Annie: Zombie food. What else would I feed him? *More banging comes from the basement as DF and Greta become more anxious.*

DF: Where can we get some of this zombie food? Hypothetically speaking.

Annie: *Annie shrugs* Where ever you can find some brains.

Greta: Well, how do you keep him so clean? *Everyone looks at the zombie, noting the laundered state.*

Annie: Spray him down with the hose, soap him up, and spray him down again to rinse him off, like a shower. Need to feed him first though. A full zombie is a happy zombie. *Moans and groans become louder and more persistent. DF and Greta shoot each other worried glances*

Annie: Does that noise have anything to do with the smell?

Greta: It’s a zombie!

DF: Yes, and we need to train him. I think you can help us. You know, being a zombie whisperer and all.

Annie: Zombie whisperer?

*Annie shakes with uncontrolled laughter*

Greta: What’s so funny?

*DF scowls at Annie*

Annie: Oh, well, I’m not a zombie whisperer.

DF: You’re not?

Greta: But that zombie is trained! You know what to feed him.

DF: And bathe him...

Greta: And walk him.

DF: He’s not trying to eat us!

*Annie pulls chain again.*

Annie: All that stuff seems obvious, don’t you think?

DF: You should help us train our zombie. *More banging from basement.*

Annie: I would, if I ever trained a zombie, but I haven’t.

Greta: What about your zombie? *Greta points to zombie*

Annie: He’s not my zombie. I just found him on my walk. Pretty cool, huh?

*DF and Greta blink*

DF: Then what are you doing here?!?!

Annie: If you would have let me explain in the first place... from the smell of your mansion, I thought he lived here. You guys seem a little desperate... couldn’t resist teasing you.

DF: What a waste of my time!

Greta: So, where is the real zombie whisperer?

Annie: Just a guess, but maybe this zombie had the whisperer for breakfast. Maybe zombie’s don’t want to be trained.

*Everyone looks at the zombie, who now has a smile on his face.*

Annie Walls is giving a chance to one lucky U.S. Wastelander to win a copy of her e-book - Taking on the Dead - plus some fabulous Zompacolypse goodies! What are those goodies? Only the winner will find out!!

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