Monday, October 22, 2012

Kealan Patrick Burke visits the Wastelands

Kealan Patrick Burke author of Turtle Boy, Kin, and more is visiting the Wastelands today to help out with shell of a problem.

Darkfallen: Greta!! I told you not to feed that damn turtle!

Greta: But he’s my baby!!

Darkfallen: You’re baby, my ass!! I’m about to call an expert.

*Greta pets the giant turtle that is soaking in the Wastelands swimming pool while sucking on the last author’s leg.

*clicking her cell phone shut

Darkfallen: He’ll be here in a minute.

Greta: Who?

Kealan: This is not my beautiful house.

Greta: No no no!! You did not call him!

Darkfallen: Thank Zombie Bob that you’re here!! We have a problem.

Greta: No we don’t!! Little Dude is part of the family now! I can’t help it that he got into some non-organic veggies and started craving human flesh. He doesn’t know any better.

Darkfallen: Do you think you can help, Kealan?

Kealan: How about electrical-taping him to a chair and forcing him to watch reruns of Jersey Shore? That would kill anybody’s appetite.

Darkfallen: Yeah, we tried that but the dang turtle kept escaping from the chair.

Kealan: Industrial strength glue, and brainwashing him into believing that there are no people in the outside world, only starving bald eagles and ravenous coyotes.

Darkfallen: Well, that’s an idea. Do you have any of those with you?

Kealan: No, but you could convince him that dining on people is like admitting he’s racist.

Darkfallen: Do you know how to do that?

Kealan: No, not really. Have you tried draining the pool?

Darkfallen: Oh yeah!

*One hour later and one man-eating turtle stuck at the bottom of an empty pool, Greta hangs her feet over while Little Dude strains to jump and sink his beak into her flesh.

Greta: This sucks!! Little Dude is not pleased in this!!

Darkfallen: It’s better than the other alternative.

Greta: Which was?

Kealan and Darkfallen: Turtle soup!!

Greta: You guys suck!

Darkfallen: Thanks for visiting the Wastelands Kealan! You totally saved us from having a destructive man-eating turtle on our hands.

Kealan Patrick Burke is offering 5 Wastelanders a chance to win an e-copy of his latest thriller, "Kin". Enter into the world of backwoods cannibals and see if you can make it out alive!


  1. LOL That turtle won't get away now.Great book cover. Sounds like a very good story that you can't put down. Thank you for the giveaway.
    Sue B

  2. Thank you so much for another fantastic book giveaway, that i really would love to have the oportunity of reading! Kealan Patrick Burke's novel Kin sounds facinating and a truly interesting read. x

  3. Hi,
    Great giveaway. I love horror books and movies. Something really cool about being so scared your heart is racing and you are afraid to turn off the light and go to sleep.

  4. Scarey scarey? I hope so!

  5. I LOVE cannibals! Especially the backwoods kind; they're juicier for some reason. I prefer 'em medium rare, myself, how about you? Anyway, I left a comment. I just hope my mother doesn't see this, or she's liable to figure out why all my cousins disappeared. Guess I can say I was just joking... yeah, that's what I'll do. Hey, everybody... I was just joking! (we'll see if that works.)

  6. Poor turtle! You should refill the pool, it's not his fault!